“When I got home that night as my wife served
dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down
and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know
how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a
divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question.
This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are
not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love
her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of
guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,
our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could
not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was
actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for
several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came
back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have
supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired
after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the
table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she
presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed
a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we
both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple:
our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with
our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to
me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her
into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the
month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.
I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I
accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my
wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No
matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our
son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both
of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman
carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were
fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its
toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when
I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who
had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized
that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It
became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to
wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a
suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly
realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her
more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she
had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached
out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the
moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father
carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife
gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face
away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held
her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the
hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body
tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter
weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly
move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t
noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the
car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me
change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me,
astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I
moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage
life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our
lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since
I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until
death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived
home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my
wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so
busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted
to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push
through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving
husband….
The small details of
your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the
car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your
spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.
Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this,
nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just
might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.
Remember love is the
richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is
everything. Love never perishes, even if the bones of a lover are ground fine
like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is
completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is
indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.
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